17 things I really hope happen in 2017



All members of ISIS spontaneously combust. 

I receive a call from an unknown number and am informed a distant and unknown relatively has left me millions of pounds.

Brexit gets blocked.

I see more of the world.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt get back together </3

Donald Trump gets impeached.

I somehow get the body of a Victoria’s Secret model by simply cutting back on pizza and booze.

US gun laws are changed and there is a dramatic drop in shootings.

The Daily Mail stops being bought. So does The Sun.

Everybody unfollows Katie Hopkins on twitter.

I smash it at work and am given a raise and more responsibility.

More women are made CEO than men.

Everyone becomes a little less obsessed with themselves and a little more obsessed with the wider world.

Nigel Farage runs away with his family and is never to be seen again (he immigrates elsewhere and quickly realises what a massive tosser he is).

There is not one single celebrity death reported.

Somehow, Barack Obama becomes the UK’s Prime Minister.

All in all, 2017 is boring, uneventful, and people regain any sanity that went amiss in 2016.

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